i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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