Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
