were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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