my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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