the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
