sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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