Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
