I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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