I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize