I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
