I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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