Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
