ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
