At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize