there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
