i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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