I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
