yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
