Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
