i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
