dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
