My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
