her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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