I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I party with great urgency now.
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