i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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