i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
