Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
