dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
