woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
