note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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