miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
