Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
