toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
