My friends, they love my intelligence
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
