i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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