you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
