The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
