Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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