He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
