Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
