i think i have two assholes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
