I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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