lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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