Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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