carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
