My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
