I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
