and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
