Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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