Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
