Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize