babies were throwing up all over the place
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize