So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
