I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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