Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The air was thick with penises
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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