Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
