I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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