Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Green mimosas i think yes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
