My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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