Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
