I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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