if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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