I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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