I puked a lego.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
