my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
