She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
