He is like the real live version of the state fair..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
