he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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