i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
