you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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