listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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