Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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