I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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