the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
