I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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