How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
