Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
